Outline tracing disorder OCD – My experience
As a writer, I spend a major part of my time inside the house. Which means, occasionally, I move around the house to get a can from the fridge, food or other things. But what I do during the process, is something I’m finding hard to make peace with. I start tracing outlines of the floor tiles, I consciously trace outlines of building I can see from the window and more.
It has gotten so worrisome that I can’t walk without outline tracing my floor tiles. After a while my legs start aching. I sit, but I repeat the same thing again and again. It’s frustrating. But, what can I do about it. Nothing.
Or atleast I thought. After speaking to bunch of doctors I realised that this is a common phenomenon for people with OCD. Some of the reasons include trauma, underlying childhood issues among others.
As I researched the topic a bit further. There was another revelation. The reason I loved sitting at home and working was related to OCD. I always shied away from parties, social events, and anything that involved being around people for more than 20 minutes.
Now, it has become my routine. I hate it. I trace outlines all the time. I can’t stop calculating. My brain is always working. At this point, it’s getting too tiresome.
But, I hope to find a way out. I find it hard to work with therapists, because finding a good one is really hard. Most of the time, I end up guessing what a therapist is going to say and just leave after paying the $30 asked by them. And never continue the session.
I don’t know what this is called. But living with OCD has made life hell for me. I have gotten lonelier over the years. Find it hard to make connections. Narcisistic approach towards the world, and more. But the worst part is not being able to eat or sleep properly, which makes it really hard for me to focus.
To all those people who are facing similar issues. Stay strong. That’s all I can say. It sucks. Along with seeking professional help, you need to realize that your thoughts are not you. This will help you in the long run.
An anonymous writer